white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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