Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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