so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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