Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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