I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
