he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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