dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
worst night to have a conscience
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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