she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize