I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He shit in the fireplace
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