Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
