I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
