We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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