Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
