so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize