I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i drank out of a bidet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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