I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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