Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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