She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
