Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
In America we eat man semen.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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