Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
