Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Randomize
