he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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