I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
