my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
