I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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