The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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