Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
