I am puke
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
