I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
