no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
