TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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