I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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