I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
