I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
