I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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