sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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