my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
