If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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