i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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