I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
