Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
