Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
