just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
