she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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