My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
