I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
