What a fucking waste of an outfit
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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