ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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