i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
