even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
