I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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