Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
