We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
