I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
