where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
