oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
