I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
