If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
