pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
