i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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