aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
