I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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