I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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