Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She swung at the pinata with crutches
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
