I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
