I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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