I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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