I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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