it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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