Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
