I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
