I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
