Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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