His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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