we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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