i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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