Four minutes until I can fart!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
