booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
