Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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