Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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