I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
