Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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