Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry about my life...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
