How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
