Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come share oat with me in your robe
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
