I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
