I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
