Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
