Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize