Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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