We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
