hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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