i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
