I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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