You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
