i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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