Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
