even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
