you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
