I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
