I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
