Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
