For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize