i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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