just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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