I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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